Stop Asking for a Mentor When You Need a Coach
The mentor vs coach debate shows up in every transformation, yet most companies still get it wrong.
You’ll hear leaders say, “We need to find mentors for our team,” when what they actually need is coaching. The result? Slower growth, misaligned expectations, and missed opportunities for real transformation.
I’ve seen this confusion play out in agile product organizations, tech teams, and leadership groups — and I’ve felt the difference it makes when you get it right.
Let’s clear it up.
Coaching and Mentoring: What’s the Difference?
Mentoring is when someone with experience offers guidance, wisdom, and often answers. It’s about sharing the path they’ve walked — “Here’s what worked for me, try this.”
Coaching, in contrast, is about helping others find their own path. A coach doesn’t need to be an expert in your domain. They’re trained to listen, ask powerful questions, challenge limiting beliefs, and hold you accountable to your own goals.
Put simply:
- Mentors give you answers.
- Coaches help you find your own.
The confusion often arises because both relationships can be supportive and developmental. But their intentions, methods, and outcomes are completely different.
When to Use a Coach vs. a Mentor
Here’s a quick breakdown of use cases:
| Situation | What You Likely Need |
|---|---|
| A junior developer wants to grow technical skills | Mentor |
| A product manager is stuck in decision paralysis | Coach |
| A new leader needs strategic perspective from someone who’s been there | Mentor |
| A team struggles with ownership and accountability | Coach |
| You’re trying to build confidence, clarity, or shift mindset | Coach |
When you’re facing internal blocks, team dynamics, or cultural patterns, coaching is often the more effective tool. When the challenge is experience-specific or technical, mentoring can be the better fit.
How They Complement Each Other in Agile Organizations
In healthy agile environments, you’ll often find both coaching and mentoring at play:
- A scrum master might coach the team through dysfunctional dynamics, while also mentoring a newer scrum master on facilitation tools.
- A staff engineer might mentor junior devs in architecture decisions but need a coach themselves to navigate leadership growth.
- A product leader may mentor others on strategy while receiving coaching to address burnout or difficult relationships.
It’s not either-or. But clarity matters.
Measuring the ROI of Coaching vs Mentoring
Organizations love to ask, “What’s the return?”
Mentoring can be easy to measure: knowledge transfer, skill development, faster onboarding.
Coaching ROI is often deeper but less visible upfront:
- Increased ownership and initiative
- Faster decision-making
- Reduced team conflict
- Stronger alignment with vision and values
- Leaders who actually lead
One engineering manager I worked with was stuck in the weeds, overwhelmed, and constantly firefighting. Through coaching, he redefined his role, delegated more effectively, and created space to lead. His team’s delivery velocity didn’t just improve — they stopped burning out.
That’s real ROI.
Personal Insight: How Coaching Changed Everything
I didn’t fully understand the power of coaching until I was on the receiving end.
Years ago, I thought I needed advice — someone to tell me what to do. But what I needed was space to think, someone to challenge me with curiosity and care, and a mirror that reflected my potential back at me.
That shift from looking outward for answers to looking inward for clarity changed how I lead, how I work with teams, and how I see people.
I now bring that same approach into organizations — helping people shift the system by first shifting themselves.
Final Thought: Don’t Confuse a Compass with a Map
A mentor might give you a map: “Here’s the route I took.”
A coach hands you a compass and says: “Let’s figure out where you want to go.”
Both are valuable. But don’t ask for one when what you need is the other.
Ready to shift your system — or your mindset?
Let’s talk. I offer coaching for individuals, teams, and leaders who want to stop reacting and start creating real change.
Read further
1. Co-Active Coaching: The proven framework for transformative conversations at work and in life
A foundational coaching book — practical, widely respected, and focused on evoking transformation rather than giving advice. Great for anyone who wants to understand what real coaching looks and feels like.
2. The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
Why: Short, sharp, and extremely actionable. Especially good for leaders who want to shift from advice-giving to curiosity. It teaches 7 essential questions to use in everyday conversations.
3. Helping: How to Offer, Give, and Receive Help by Edgar H. Schein
Why: A powerful deep dive into the psychology of helping relationships — including mentoring and coaching. Schein explores how status, trust, and humility shape our ability to help others effectively.