The Double-Edged Sword — When Ego Helps and When It Hurts

Ego Series: “The Shadow That Grows with Us”

When ego helps and when it hurts isn’t always clear in the moment — because ego often shows up wearing the mask of strength.

In Part 1 of the Ego Series, we looked at how responsibility can inflate identity, turning role ownership into self-attachment.
In Part 2, we explored how task mastery can build confidence — but also feed entitlement if we stop listening.

Now in Part 3, we face the central tension:
Ego isn’t always a villain. Sometimes it gives us the push we need. Other times, it gets in the way of exactly what we’re trying to achieve.

The fuel and the fire

Ego helps when it fuels courage — the confidence to take space, speak up, step forward.
It helps when you walk into a room full of doubt and say, “I can do this.”

It helps when you’re underestimated, ignored, or challenged — and you use that tension to sharpen your thinking, not silence others.

But…

Ego hurts when it stops being fuel and starts being fire — burning bridges, silencing feedback, and clouding your view.

Ego hurts when:

You defend a bad idea because it’s yours.
You reject input that threatens your image.
You need to be right more than you need to learn.

One ego — two directions

The tricky part is that the same energy that drives you forward can also pull you off course.

That inner voice that says “I deserve better” can help you advocate for yourself.
But it can also stop you from hearing why someone else feels the same.

That boldness that helps you lead under pressure…
Can just as easily become the reason you ignore the team’s wisdom.

Mastery is using the edge without being cut

The goal isn’t to kill the ego. It’s to hold it lightly.
To recognize when it’s helping you act — and when it’s hijacking the moment.

Mastery comes from knowing:

When to trust your gut
When to ask one more question
When to stand firm
When to step back

A question to leave with:

Think of a recent win.
Was ego part of what made it possible — or did you succeed despite it?

⚖️ Is your ego fueling your leadership — or getting in its way?
I coach leaders to notice when ego is helpful and when it starts to hijack clarity, relationships, and growth. If you’re wrestling with that balance and want a sparring partner, drop me a message. Let’s sharpen your edge — without the cuts.

📘 Book Recommendation

🟩 The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp
This book dives into the difference between leading from ego (reactivity, defensiveness, blame) vs. presence (curiosity, responsibility, openness). It offers powerful frameworks to recognize when ego is helping — and when it’s hurting.

A must-read if you want to sharpen your awareness of ego’s impact in moments of choice.